


seasons

by youchuu



Category: THE iDOLM@STER
Genre: 2 years in the future, Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, also it's set under american conventions because yeah, but like mundane (they're not idols), mentions of yukimami
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-09-23 21:41:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20347147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youchuu/pseuds/youchuu
Summary: time always passes, whether you like it or not. what you do with that is up to you





	seasons

**Author's Note:**

> this took me a wholeass year and then some to finish but god it's Finally Done. please read the result of my blood sweat and tears. thanks. i love these kids

I wonder when everything began to change?

–

The two of us sit, knees tucked in the bleachers and our lunches on our laps, with the excuse of watching the volleyball team practice. My mind is elsewhere. It’s not as if I’m thinking about anyone in particular, of course. Why would I? The question yet unasked—and unheard by anyone who isn’t a mind reader—bothers me, and I shake it off in defiance. Beside me, Yayoi looks mildly confused.

“Um, Iori? What’s wrong? You look kind of angry for some reason.” Me, angry? Stupid, why should I be? There’s no apparent trigger, except…

Oh, the volleyball team is finishing up.

It’s a big swarm of girls going every which way, and my eyes wander, not really wanting to answer her right now. Except, as luck would have it, I see the twins. Mami is the one on the team, her long hair pulled into the usual side ponytail. Right beside her, having evidently come to watch and now giving her a big high five...is Ami. My brow twitches.

Yayoi must have followed my line of sight, because she soon looks as if a light bulb has gone off above her head. “Oh yeah! You were gonna ask her, right?” I could just–… I don’t know what I’d do, actually, but it isn’t this.

I tear my eyes away from the twins, and back to Yayoi. She’s got a smile on her face and the whole situation strikes me as very annoying. Not because of her, though, and I don’t want to take it out on her either. “Ask what? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” There. I hope it comes out as incredulous as I’d intended.

“The dance is coming up, right? I thought you were gonna go with her.” She tilts her head a bit. I’ve known what she was referring to from the start, but this isn’t something I want to talk about. Not here or right now, at least.

“Why would I want to go with...” And I stop there, because I have the distinct sense that someone is eavesdropping.

My suspicion is almost immediately confirmed. “What’s this? Does Iorin have a crush on someone?” I whip my head around to face her. Of course it’s Ami. Of course she would be the one to overhear this. Never mind how she managed to climb the bleachers in record time. I can feel my face burning, and without thinking, I channel it into anger.

“Don’t listen in on other people’s conversations!” I say, but this doesn’t satisfy her.

She shakes her head with a smile. It bugs me more than I want to admit. “We’re all friends here, right?” is what she says, sitting herself down next to me. Who gave her permission to join in? She of course can’t hear me internally grumbling this, and slings an arm around my shoulders. I want to bat it away. “And Iorin, y’know that if you like somebody, you’ve gotta just tell them.”

Yayoi’s eyes widen. “Somehow, you sounded pretty grown-up there.” Is this such a surprise? She is around our age, and we’re all in high school.

“Right? So like, you have to...you know...” She puckers her lips in a very exaggerated way, and it’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen her do. So much for maturity. She lets go of me, finally, and I could almost breathe a sigh of relief, if not for what she says next: “But honestly, who’s the guy? It’s way weird.”

Oh really?

“It’s not a g-...” Yayoi starts to object, but I’m cutting in before she can finish.

“How is it weird for someone as cute as me to want to go with someone? They should be begging for my hand.” The audacity of it! I’m very offended, rightfully I think, and cross my arms across my chest. Ami just hums to herself.

“So what, they’re gonna get like, telepathy and come right over and ask you? Just ‘cause?” My mouth opens to retort, but she does a side-glance at me and continues. “Iorin, nobody’s that perfect. But really, I’ve never seen you get this weird over somebody. It’s kinda gross.”

I stop, then. Her head is tilted to look at me, and I know she’s just playing around as she always does, but something snaps. I snap. “Gross, huh? So that’s how it is...” So that’s how she sees me. So that’s the light that I exist in, in her eyes.

Well, fine! Alright! I’m too good for her anyway. I’m Iori Minase, adorable and sweet. I’m a super pretty girl, and anyone would kill to have me. And if she can’t appreciate that, then… Then. I feel the corners of my eyes begin to sting, a slight pressure in my throat. I think she noticed my change of expression, my lack of response to her joke, because her voice softens and lowers in tone as she says my name. “Iorin…?”

You should just tell them, she says. But she’s the one person I could never tell. My pride wins out, in the end, and I will away every tear. I stand up and brush off my clothing. “Yayoi, I’ll text you later,” I say, trying not to let my voice falter even a bit. I don’t want to give her that satisfaction. And I climb down the bleachers, stepping off onto shiny gym flooring. They haven’t said a word. I’m not about to look back, though, and I toss the remainder of my lunch in the trash. Me, crying? Over Ami? Not gonna happen.

I hear quick footsteps, running up from behind me, and Mami is slapping a hand on my shoulder. I don’t think she noticed what happened, in all the ruckus of practice. It doesn’t matter, anyway. “Hey! Didn’t think I’d see you here. It’s rare enough, should’ve shown off a little more, and...” Her grin fades away. “Iorin…?”

It must show on my face. “Tell Ami that I don’t want any messages from her.” There’s a twinge in my voice, and I feel bad for ignoring Mami—she didn’t do anything wrong—but now isn’t the time. I don’t want to be in a conversation with any Futami right now.

I can’t stand it.

–

It wasn’t always like this. There was a completely unremarkable Monday, last summer. Special only in that I was going to see a movie with Ami and some other people. Yayoi couldn’t make it, of course. I would have paid for her, but she insisted. Her family needed her there, and she didn’t want to impose on me, even though it really wouldn’t have been an issue. But that was how it was. So I was getting ready then, putting on some earrings just because, when my phone buzzed with a new text. Full of indecipherable emoji, but that alone gave away the sender; I didn’t have to look.

When I got outside, there she was, with a shiny bike. Was it new? I hadn’t seen her ride one before, but maybe I hadn’t been paying enough attention. “Hey, Iorin!” she called, propping it into a standing position, and running over. It was breezy, the sky was clear, and at that time I didn’t know what was to come. “Hop on,” she said, sticking a thumb behind her.

I was baffled. “That’s a one person bike, isn’t it?”

She shook her head at this, very dramatically. “No no no, Iorin, you’re looking too small. Have some spirit of adventure! Life is short!”

“You’re 15, aren’t you?”

“See? And you’re 17. Our lives are already passing us by, we have to seize the moment!” By all accounts, it was stupid. It was ridiculous. And I knew it was one of her usual impulses. But something compelled me to allow her that much.

And so, before I knew it, I was hopping on the seat of her bike with her in front. I was kind of concerned, or maybe more like “very.” It’d be stable, right? We wouldn’t fall off and end up lying in a ditch somewhere? But all she said was, “Hold on tight!” And so I did.

There was something unforgettable about that trip to the movies. I don’t know if it was the wind in my hair, or clinging tight to her as we swept down streets I barely knew the names of. We would speed up and my heart would lift in my chest and I’d hold just a bit tighter, knowing that she was probably up there grinning. I had no doubt that she would tease me about it after, but for that moment, we flew.

I don’t really know when I realized I loved her, but if I had to put a date to it, it would be then. There are a lot of things I could say about Ami, and have, but something clicked that day I think. Something distinctly different from my feelings toward everyone else.

Or maybe I’m making something out of nothing. I bury my face in my pillow, shut up in my room after a quiet dinner. I haven’t changed yet, and I should really be focusing on homework, but some part of me can’t get past her face earlier. How it scrunched up a bit. I know she was teasing, that it’s her way of joking around and keeping things lighthearted. I also know that she’s still a kid at heart, the only one of our group that didn’t quite grow up. We always have this kind of back and forth, and it shouldn’t be any different from normal, but...

I look at my phone beside me, lifting it only to check the time. Evening... I had promised Yayoi I would talk to her, but I haven’t sent a single message yet. She’s my best friend, no question, and the only person I’ve told. And I can’t really avoid it. So, sighing, I unlock my phone with a few taps, and pull up the contact list. I should probably call her; texting isn’t the easiest thing on a flip phone, and she can’t exactly upgrade. It rings dully in my ear.

“Hello! ...Are you okay?”

“Of course I’m okay. Why would something that little—“

“Iori...”

I cross my ankles. “Alright, I’m not okay. Who says stuff like that? What gives her the right!”

“Ami didn’t seem like she meant anything bad by it though.”

Pause. “I know. That’s how she is. I wouldn’t care much normally, but.”

“But you love her.” The statement is so blunt that I start to feel a bit warm in the face, and I don’t know if it’s out of embarrassment or frustration. Both? “Why don’t you just tell her?”

And the unspoken fact: I can’t hide behind this image I’ve built of myself forever. She’s already seen behind it, so there’s not actually much point, but I keep putting on the defensive. Even though we used to talk so naturally. Even though it used to be so much fun.

What happened?

– –

Iorin doesn’t cry that often. Like, once in a while maybe, not a whole lot. I was always pretty good at cheering her up too. I’ve never seen her react like this. So, it’s probably a big deal. And I even tried texting her earlier, but she never answered. I didn’t just screw up; I screwed up big time, apparently.

“Dunno what she’s thinking,” I mumble, scratching my head and staring at my phone. “I don’t get her at all.”

She’s always saying that I’m too much of a kid. But like, we’re all kids, aren’t we? Sort of. I know we’re in high school, but that doesn’t mean anything. I mess around as much as I always have. Sure, Iorin’s kinda more serious, and Yayoicchi works part time, and Mami’s on the volleyball team with all her friends there...but...

Maybe I’m the one who’s weird?

Guess I could ask the one and only person who would know. “Hey, Mami,” I shout to the kitchen, but it really wouldn’t have made a difference if I had or not, because a moment later she comes out with a sandwich and drops onto the couch. Sibling telepathy, maybe?

“What’s up?” She takes a big bite. It makes me a little hungry too, but now isn’t the time! There’s something much more important than that. The telepathy thing might not be such a stretch, because as soon as I resolve myself to say it, she’s already looking at me. “Hey, this isn’t about Iorin, is it? ‘Cause she looked pretty upset earlier.”

My mouth twists. “Yeah… Think it was my fault.”

“You and Iorin are definitely like that,” she says, like it’s a matter of fact and not anything new at all.

“But you were always pranking her with me!”

“In middle school.” She’s looking at me like I’m the one who’s being stupid, who’s not making sense. What gives? “Ami, I get it, y’know? But what actually happened?” Direct attack to the root of it. I’d expect nothing less of my sister.

As much as it bugs me. “Turns out she likes someone, so I was gonna tease her about it. Didn’t think she’d get upset. I mean, it’s not totally unbelievable, but it’s still weird right? We’re talking about Iorin here.” Despite my insistence, Mami doesn’t follow.

“I dunno what you’re getting at. She’s just a girl, and she’s older than us. Makes sense to me?”

Wait, when did we split like this? Mami and I were always exactly in sync. Our pranks were legendary, and she always understood me better than anyone else. She’s grown her hair out pretty long now, and we do a lot of stuff separately, but I didn’t think things had changed this much.

Suddenly, she’s grinning, and I’m not prepared for what she says then: “Huh, don’t tell me you like her.”

What? Why? How am I even supposed to react to that, or is she trying to get a rise out of me? “No way, that’d be weird. Like, I care about her sure, but not like that.”

Mami hums in response, like she knows something. I know this because I’ve done the exact same thing. It’s one of those twin things, I think. “Didn’t you just go on about how it bothers you that she likes someone? I get caring, but normal friends don’t sweat that stuff. But apparently you are.”

“Says the one who’s always going off with Yukipyon.” I know it’s not much of a retort, but this whole thing is beginning to bug me.

“Doesn’t that just make me super qualified? Like, y’know, maybe you should be asking me for advice more often.” Her awful smile combos with a wink. There are a lot of things I could say here, mostly revolving around how Yukipyon is like, older? But I keep my mouth shut because, in the first place, I don’t have a problem with her or them being together. Like, who cares, if she’s happy?

Wait. Oh.

Hearing no response, she stands up to toss her plate. And I return to staring at my phone. Mami heads up to our room to do homework or something. She’s gotten really strange about that lately.

Idly, I pull open my messages. I’d texted her a bunch earlier when I got back from school, but no response. Which is pretty weird, because I must have sent about 40 or so. I figured that if I made her notifications go off that much, she’d have to pick up eventually, but I guess that was a bust. I didn’t say anything groundbreaking. Mostly because I wasn’t sure how I messed it up in the first place, so a full apology would be kinda hard. And I’m still not sure. Is it the whole “love makes people weird” thing? Is that why she blew up?

My phone makes a ding noise.

“iorin? is that you?? i’ve survived a long, cold winter without you,”

“don’t be weird, or I’ll take back my apology”

I look up in the messages. Oh, so she did apologize. Don’t know what for, though, seeing as I was the one who kinda caused all this. I decide to say what’s on my mind.

“hey tho, you gonna explain what bothered you so much? :S”

She starts to type, and then stops. And starts, and goes on for a few minutes like that, and then stops once again. When she finally replies, it has literally nothing to do with what I’d asked: “are you going with anyone to the dance? just curious”

“??? idk i figured id stay home and play this new rpg i got, up all night plowing through monsters, u know”

“you’re really going to waste it like that? you were the one who told me life is short”

Wait, when…? I scratch my head. “did i say that??”

“nevermind”

She doesn’t respond for an hour or so after that, and in that time I have dinner with my family. Mostly Mami talks about her volleyball adventures. My stories aren’t so exciting. I could talk about the karaoke with some other kids a couple days back, but I don’t know how interested they’d be in an unrelated 15 year old’s moving rendition of All Star. So I finish up and head to my room to stare at my homework for a few hours (against my will). It’s when I’m putting pencil to paper, about twenty minutes in, that my phone buzzes again.

“don’t read too much into this, but I care a lot about what you think. okay?”

“iorin, shouldn’t u be more worried about your crush than me?” We’re friends, sure, but there are probably people, even outside of who she likes, that’d have more valuable thoughts on this. It’s as she said: I’m too much of a kid for this. Even Mami would be more useful.

More typing and backspacing. What’s she writing over there? Is she in her room with her phone? I remember seeing it a couple years ago. It was huge. I mean, rich family, makes sense. But I’ve always shared a room. No complaints there, it’s just weird to imagine having all that space to yourself.

I wonder if it’s lonely?

– –

The dance is drawing closer. I know that, and with each day that passes, I’m itching to bring it up. And yet I can’t, so I don’t. It’s not like I don’t want to go with her! I mean, I do, but saying that out loud is another matter entirely. Yayoi knows, but she’s not the one I’d be going with. Though that might end up being the case anyway, if this goes on any longer. Ugh… It’s just a dance, right? There’s always next time? Except I’m already a senior, and she’s two years younger. It won’t be long before I’m moving on from here, and then what happens?

Maybe that’s more reason not to ask her.

This is one of those days where Yayoi is busy, likely helping a teacher or involved in a family thing. Thus, I’m sitting at this table by myself. I could have gone to watch practice again, but what point would there be? I’d rather just eat and not think about any of this. Except, I’m thinking about it anyway, so I guess that wasn’t too effective. Sorry, Mami.

I twist off the cap to my orange juice and take a sip. It tastes good, but I don’t take a moment to savor it or anything. And then I hear the telltale, “Iorin!” So it’s probably good I didn’t, because otherwise I might have choked. My head whips around to the source of the voice. Of course it’s Ami. It’s always Ami.

“Hey! Hasn’t anyone else told you not to do that? You startled me.” My tone isn’t as abrasive as usual, I think, mostly because I’m a little worn out right now. Also, whatever I might say, I don’t actually mind her showing up. Just the scaring me into a near spit-take part.

She frowns. “But you’re the only person I do that with.” Which blindsides me. What’s that supposed to mean? I don’t know any of her peers to compare; it’s not as if I’ve made a habit of hanging out with sophomores, so I don’t really know what to make of it. Before I can respond, though, she’s sitting down right beside me. “Y’know, it’s pretty rare to see you by yourself. Like, without Yayoicchi or whoever. What’cha doing all alone?”

“I-I don’t have to be with someone all the time, and Yayoi is a little preoccupied,” I say, but it kind of bothers me. I could ask her the same thing: why aren’t you with your own friends?

Ami leans forward a bit, looking thoughtful. Or as much as one of those two can. I lean back, hands catching something behind me for support. “You could’ve asked me though, but I guess you don’t like me all that much.”

Now this hits me from some other angle. “Huh? No, I...” Before I can say a word more, she’s moving right along.

“I just know we’re not that close, is all. Maybe it’s my fault for teasing you and being stupid.” Where could she get that idea? ...That’s what I want to say, but I haven’t been the greatest friend. It’s hard, when my first reflex is always to get on the defensive or lash out with my words. I know that’s not a good way to be, and probably she sees me more like a time bomb than anything else. How am I supposed to react, when she effortlessly slides under my skin, better than anyone else?

“That’s not true. You get on my nerves sometimes, but I do really...” Really what? I sincerely hope she doesn’t ask. But all she does is give a tilt of the head, which I banish with a less than helpful, “It’s nothing!”

“Wow, does Iorin have a crush on me? Talk about a development.” My face burns. I can feel it light up in flames, bristling immediately in defense. Don’t make jokes like that, I want to say. Don’t make it into something funny! It’s bad enough I’m in this position in the first place. I don’t want her to be right on top of it.

“Hold on—”

I can’t get more than a word in, though, because she’s moving right along. It’s extremely frustrating. “So, what are you doing about the dance?”

An unexpected question. “...Why do you ask?”

Her expression is plain and I can only guess what’s behind it. This could all be some elaborate prank and I wouldn’t know. “I’ve just been wondering, since you brought it up. Like, if that meant you really didn’t have anyone to go with.”

Oh. So that’s her angle. Now I’m annoyed. Who does she think she is, throwing out all this stuff? Especially considering how she doesn’t actually get any of this. I’m the only one worked up here. I know that. “I’ll have you know, I could go with anyone I want!”

“See? Could. Which means you’re not going with anyone.” This girl, I swear to god. Not that she didn’t hit the nail on the head, but probably not in the way she thinks. This is where she looks smug, and I absolutely hate it. I wish I could wipe that grin off her face. “What happened to that crush of yours?”

“I… I just haven’t found the right time to ask them. That’s all!” I’m not actually lying. Much as I wish I were.

She hums. “It’s next week though. Don’t you think they’ll have a date already?” She poses the question expecting a response, but I have none. I know they don’t have a date because “they” is her and she just told me her plans the other day. So I’m silent, mouth twisting, and I don’t know what’s going on in that head of hers but it can’t be anything good. “You know, I’d go with you.”

...Huh? My eyes widen.

“I’m getting kinda tired of that game already. It was fun, but I’ve already beaten the boss, so there’s no point in playing it all night. That’d be boring.”

Is she serious? Is this really happening? Did she ask me out (as friends or otherwise) just out of boredom? She’s looking up at the sky, and I’m wondering what she could possibly say next. What will it be this time? Some kind of quip about my reaction, maybe, or a dumb joke. Maybe this is all a prank after all, and I’ve fallen right into it.

But all she says is, “Iorin, your face looks weird.”

“Shut up!”

–

Next week becomes this week and then tomorrow, amidst my preparing, and piles of schoolwork. Between everything, I haven’t had much opportunity to actually think about it. “It” being the dance, Ami, what on earth I’m doing, et cetera. I haven’t even seen Yayoi lately. I think she’s been working more for family reasons, which isn’t a place I’ll pry. Her situation isn’t the easiest to begin with.

Bag slung over my shoulder, I head to the parking lot at a leisurely pace. My car is there—a birthday present, from when I turned 17. I felt a little weird about it at the time, I’ll admit. These days, though, it’s become a large part of my life and how I get around. My own family has become more hands off over the years, especially after my brothers moved out. So I’m not super excited to go home.

A hand grabs my arm, and I jump.

“A-Ami! Didn’t I just...” I start to say, getting a bit tired of near heart attacks. Maybe she only does it with me, but why me? Though that might be part of why I’ve ended up in this situation. In general.

She’s looking at me with that grin and I know exactly what’s to come. She leans closer. “Hey, d’you think you could give me a ride back? And maybe stop by for a bit?”

“I’m not helping you with your math homework.” She deflates. I can read her like a book at this point. Her smile gone, she resorts to looking very sad. Except it’s Ami, so it’s pretty obviously for show. “Do it yourself!” I say, firmly, but she’s giving puppy dog eyes now, complete with quivering lip. Is she in that much trouble? I know she’s never been the type to study or really give any attention to schoolwork, but just how bad are her grades? I sigh.

“Iorin, pleeease?”

“Fine! But only because I don’t have any better plans.”

This is how she ends up climbing into the passenger seat, with me of course at the wheel. Her smile has returned by this point in full force, as if none of that happened. She played me again, except that definitely isn’t the case. I’m doing this by choice! I could have just as easily refused. I did it out of the kindness of my heart, clearly.

The route to her house isn’t a mystery to me or anything, but it’s been some time so she points me in the right direction. I haven’t visited the actual Futami household in a good while now. I wonder if it’s the same as it was then?

We arrive soon, and I park on the side of the road since I won’t be here long. Ideally. Though my parents being the way they are these days, I’m not sure they’d notice.

When we get inside, I realize the atmosphere is completely different from what I’m used to. But it’s also completely in tune with the twins. It’s an average home, kind of cluttered, but comfortable. “Lived in” is probably the right phrase. Ami, who’d been leading the way, looks back at me. “Parents aren’t home, if you were wondering. Running errands or something? Mami should be upstairs, though!”

Up we climb, and when we reach the hallway, she turns us toward the second door on the left. Right, I remember: this is their room. She swings open the door. There’s kind of a yellow theme going on, bunk bed, and only one desk, which is currently occupied by Mami. She turns around, side ponytail swept over her shoulder.

“Oh, is that Iorin?”

“Yep!”

We step inside, and I notice that it’s a lot smaller than my own bedroom, despite being shared by two people. It doesn’t feel cramped though, which is the odd thing. I thought it would, especially with the three of us in here, but it’s laid out in such a way that it works. Kind of. Ami drops herself onto the rug, and gestures for me to sit down too. I do, more carefully.

“So like,” Mami says, spinning her chair to face us. She has that same blank, curious look Ami gets sometimes, except I don’t know her quite as well, so I can’t read whatever is under it. “What’s the deal? Bringing your girlfriend home already?”

...Huh? What??

Without even thinking, my first reaction is to bristle. “Hold on a second!” I say, maybe a bit too loudly. I know the twins are the twins, but that’s going too far, isn’t it?

Except I’m not the only one who’s startled here. “It’s not like that!” says Ami, even more loudly. It’s a really good thing we’re here by ourselves.

“But, weren’t you just telling me how you asked her to the dance?” Mami tilts her head.

“As friends! Totally friends.”

“Uh huh. Says the one who was all, what do I wear?” She shrugs, looking nonchalant but clearly enjoying herself. “Iorin, don’t pay attention to this. She’s worse than you are right now.”

Ami’s got her hands on her head like she’s going to block out the conversation. Eyes screwed shut. “Am not!”

“Are too!”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

I don’t know what to make of any of this, but it’s maybe kind of fun to think that I’ve gotten under Ami’s skin too. Or, okay, it’s a lot of fun. “I can’t help it if I’m that charming. Of course she’d fall for me.”

Mami is very obviously unimpressed. “Hey hey, you don’t get to talk either. Like, how did she even convince you to come over here?”

At once, I bristle. “For homework help, that’s it! And I, being super kind and sweet...”

“Huh?” Ami looks back at me, first confused, as if she doesn’t know what I’m talking about. And then horror stricken. The shift is almost immediate. She pulls over her bag and starts rifling through its contents. “I forgot! Teacher said that if I missed another day, I’d be way in trouble.” ...How bad is she at this whole school thing?

“When was the last time you handed something in?” Mami apparently had the same thought.

She scratches her head, as if deep in thought. “Mmm, last week sometime?”

“It’s Thursday.”

“You really gonna judge? I thought we were in the same boat!” She’s pouting now, and it’s annoyingly cute. Very annoyingly.

“Don’t you think she has to keep her grades decent?” I give a short sigh. “Since she’s on a sports team. They would kick her off if she didn’t.”

“Bingo,” Mami says, and spins her chair back to face her desk. “Which is my cue to split. Gotta finish this thing for History before tomorrow.” She clicks her mechanical pencil and goes back to writing, a textbook flipped open beside her.

Ami grumbles, and yanks a notebook out of her bag. The cover is a little ragged and there are a few loose papers sticking out. She’s got an expression as if she’s been asked to carry a dead body, and I thinks she’s deliberately taking her time to get to the right page. It’s one thing if she wastes her own time, but she invited me here.

“Hurry up! Do you really want to test my patience?” I try to keep my voice down, for Mami’s sake. Reluctantly, she picks up the pace. This is going to be a long evening. I glance toward my bag, where my phone is stowed, and consider letting my family know I’ll be late. It’s the right thing to do, probably, but then again… Between business trips and whatever else, it’s more likely that I’d be eating alone anyway.

In the end, I let it be. Turns out dinner at the Futamis’ is much more lively than I’m used to.

–

It’s the night of. The sky is just starting to purple in twilight and I’m pushing open the car door. My arms prickle at the cool air, shoulders barely covered by a thin bolero. It’s for modesty reasons; my dress is strapless, gathered and rumpled in a purposeful, stylish way. And pink, definitely pink. My heels click on pavement as I step out and make my way to the front door. It’s different, approaching it at near night, and I wonder for a moment just what I’ve gotten myself into.

The door is already open before I can ring the bell. Ami’s there, in her little yellow dress, and I barely have a moment to process what’s going on before she’s dragging me inside. “Iorin, c’mere!” she sings, leading me into the center of the room.

“Hey, hold on...” My protest goes unheard. Her parents are there, I realize, with Mami on the couch. They’re motioning us closer together...for a picture? Oh, that’s right. The twins’ family is like that. We crowd up close and I have the distinct impression that she’s giving me bunny ears behind my head, but I give my best smile anyway. Snap. Her mother gets us from a couple of different angles before Ami complains, and she retreats.

“We’ve gotta get going, right?” She looks at me, as if seeking backup, and then back at her mother. “No more pictures.”

The whole experience is very surreal. They wish us luck and a fun time, and it’s kind of embarrassing, but I can’t help but wonder how she feels, since she declared that it was strictly “between friends.” But Mami’s words from yesterday still remain in my head: “She’s worse than you are right now.” Is that really true? She seems mostly normal to me.

It’s as we’re getting into the car that she speaks again, pulling on her seatbelt. “Hey. I know it’s a bit late to ask this but, why’d you agree?” She’s not looking at me, kind of kicking her feet a bit. It seems like a strange question, until I remember: right, she thinks she’s a backup choice. In her mind, there’s someone I would rather have gone with. It’s not like, she’s my ideal or anything, I just happen to like her a little. A little more than anyone else.

“No particular reason.” I don’t look at her either; it’s easier to stay collected when her face isn’t right smack in front of me—

What is she doing so close?! I swear, I blink and there she is, maybe a few inches away. She’s peering at me with those big brown eyes, and I never really noticed her lashes or the soft pink of her lips before, I guess she really is a girl...what the hell am I thinking right now. In the end, I topple backward, head bumping against the window behind me.

“What was that for?” I snap, aware that my face is all heated up. It’s all her fault. Seriously, what gives?

“I was just thinkin’, Iorin, you’re pretty cute.” ‘Of course I am,’ I want to say, but instead of these words all I can manage is to fumble in my outrage and embarrassment. She hums. “You probably could’ve went with anyone. Like, wasn’t that one guy…the one on the football team, interested in you?”

My face twists unpleasantly. “He’s an idiot.”

“See?” she says, gesturing. “You’ve got like, really high standards. So why me? You can’t tell me that I’m not an idiot.”

She has a point, of course. I don’t even understand why I’m in the situation I’m in here, how could I ever hope to explain it? She’s my (somehow or other) friend, two years younger and definitely an idiot, and my usual partner for bickering. I can’t remember a time when we weren’t arguing about something or other, or maybe I was snapping at her, or maybe she was just being stupid. She annoys the hell out of me and it annoys me even more that she knows it and uses it to her advantage. And she has this sneaky habit of seeing things I don’t want her to.

“You’re not an idiot,” I say, simply. “You’re a super idiot.”

“A mega moron?” she guesses, seeming way too enthusiastic. “An intergalactic—”

“Imbecile.”

“Yeah, that! Iorin, you say all that, but you really do like me, I bet. If only you’d speak from the heart!” There’s this toothy grin on her face and god, does it bug me. Why can’t I tell her that she’s wrong? Especially when she looks so smug. “Hey hey,” she sings, “let’s skip the dance.”

“...What? Why?”

“’Cause, I mean, there’s a whole world out there!” Out of the blue and before I can react, she’s popping open the car door and swinging a leg out. “Race you to my bike!”

I want to ask her what she’s doing. Does she have some plan for tonight I’m not in on? Am I just being strung along here? But then I’m stepping back out into the evening air and I don’t know why but something is just telling me to go for it, to follow her this once. And before I know it I’m hopping on the back of her bike once more.

What will her family think, with my car still sitting there by the road? What about everyone else that expects us there? I wonder these things somewhere in the back of my mind, but they vanish at once when she flips back, grins at me and says, “Hang on!”

I do. And it’s just like that summer day, so long ago now.

–

She never actually told me where she intended to take us. So as we whoosh past buildings and trees in the cover of night, I have no idea when we’ll stop, or what exactly awaits. My fingers are curled into the thin fabric of her dress, and when she speeds up I lean into her back, clinging just a bit tighter.

“Are you scared?”

“Of course not!” is what I say, and for once, I’m not actually covering up anything. Maybe normally I would be. Normally, I wouldn’t be in some part of town I’ve never once been, on the back of a bike in a party dress, and long after the sun has set. These things, by themselves, would probably make me feel uneasy. But it’s because she’s on the front of that bike that I can’t seem to feel any of that.

She’s unusually quiet, and for a moment all I can hear is the breeze, the wheels of the bike, and the gentle rustle of the trees. I watch her short hair ripple and sway. “I kinda am,” she finally says, voice very soft. It’s totally unlike her, and I’m too surprised to answer. “I’m always being the dumbass, but you’re actually, like, a really amazing girl. I dunno... I swear it was just a friend-pity thing—“

“So you admit it was pity,” I interject, but not really upset.

“Yeah, it kinda was. But like...” She pauses, and looks around. “Oh, we’re here.”

Wait, where is “here”? It’s hard to see much in the dark, which has deepened by now, but I squint. A hill? The bike rolls to a stop, crackling on small stones and soil. I step off, fancy, expensive shoe crunching on a dead leaf. She leans it against a piece of railing, making sure it’s steady, and then turns around. “Iorin, you ready?”

“Ready for what?” I raise an eyebrow. I’m skeptical, to be sure, but she did bring me all this way for a reason. Intention or not to skip aside. She takes me by the hand, her palm soft and slightly damp, and leads me forward. The railing circles the furthest edges, and she takes me there. Each step echoes in the quiet of the night, and I feel a kind of thrill. What time is it? Does it matter?

The railing, as it turns out, conceals a small cliff, with the view overlooking a portion of the town. It’s actually fairly high up, but the glow of the stars steals my breath away. The slope of the land and all the now tiny buildings lining the streets, even the old playground on the corner... I didn’t even know this place existed.

As if reading my mind (it wouldn’t be the first time), she says, “One time, some years back, I got in a fight with Mami, and like, I was super upset and just ran as far as I could. And this is what I found. No matter what’s going on, somehow, I come here and I can just chill, like...” She trails off, at a loss for words. She’s not looking at me, either, her arms hanging easily over the fence as she leans.

“When you see how open the sky is, everything else seems like nothing,” I guess, gazing upward myself. Not too many stars are visible tonight, whether the fault of clouds or light pollution, but the few that I can see twinkle. Like her eyes, when she’s playing a trick on someone. Something so bright, that I could never stand to look at, but maybe that was just because I didn’t want to admit it.

“Iorin, you’re pretty poetic,” she teases lightly, and then looks down. Her bangs flicker across her forehead. I can’t see her face from this angle at all. “I’ve been having a hard time falling asleep, these days. It’s stupid. I don’t like thinking too much. It’s better to just, like, do it, right? Whatever it is. But when I start thinking about you, I get scared.” Her voice falters for a second. I’ve never seen Ami like this before, ever. Has anyone, even? “You’ve grown up a lot. You were always kinda pretty but, now? Everybody’s lookin’ at you. But then, even compared to Mami and Yayoicchi, I’m a kid. I’m still acting the same as ever. ‘N I feel like, I can’t even stand next to you anymore.”

Entirely lost for words, I just watch her, eyes not straying for even a second. How could they? She brushes back, musses her hair in her palm. "I dunno. I don't get it," says Ami, and if it weren't her voice and her way of speaking I might not believe it. "I don't get it at all, whatever this is. Feel like everybody's leavin' me in the dust, and like, you're the last person I want that to happen with. ...Somehow."

The wind lifts my hair and runs through it with chilled fingers. I shiver; neither of us are dressed to be outside this late. I wonder if she's cold too? Not thinking much of anything, I lean in a little bit closer. And say, more softly than anticipated, "Don't you think that just means you're growing up too?" She finally, finally turns and looks at me, eyes wide. I only smile. "You may be a kid still. And, you may always be a kid! But, remember what you said that day? Life is short. We're still young, but the years are going to pass by faster. Don't beat yourself up for that."

She's silent. Absolutely, completely wordless. Despite my efforts, I start to feel distinctly self conscious. My face heats up. "Don't just stare at me! Did I say something weird?"

Slowly, but surely, she shakes her head—still staring. "Iorin..." My heart speeds up. When did she become so close? Was it my doing, or hers? And what's with this atmosphere? She's lit by moon and starlight, eyes round and bright. I think I can probably smell her shampoo.

"Can I kiss you?"

"...Stupid, do you have to ask?"

In my embarrassment, I snap, but she only grins. "Close your eyes, then." I do. And I wait, heart racing, strangely warm for such a chilly night. She slips a hand onto my shoulder, only parted from my skin by the thin cloth of that bolero, and I feel her lean in. So this is my first kiss... I try to memorize everything about this moment, cataloguing it in some photo album in my brain. Right down to the whispers of insects and the tremble in my legs.

And her nose thunks ungracefully into mine.

I draw back, wincing softly. By reflex, my hand half-covers my face. "What was that?!"

She looks sheepish, but still very pretty, and I don't like this fact at all. Her long lashes flutter. "What? You an expert at kissing now? Sure I screwed up, but, Mami even gave me tips..."

"Oh, come on... Let me do it."

Her lips are really soft, and warm. It's not even a long kiss, I think it's over almost instantly, but the sensation of her breath on my skin lingers for some time afterward, even as the single moment somehow stretches into eternity. My heart thuds in my ears as I pull away, as does she. And for a moment, there aren't any words at all, not from her or me. Nothing but the stars and the cool air... Oh, I'm shivering again. My teeth chatter.

"Hmm, d'you think the dance is still going on?" she muses aloud.

"Maybe? Can we even get there in time?"

Here she smirks, specifically, the smile of someone who has way too much confidence. And glances pointedly at her bike. "Leave that to me."

Am I concerned? Yes. Do I regret a single second of this?

God, just who do you take me for?

–

Everything after that is about what you'd expect. We make it to the dance just in time to meet our friends who, while initially looking worried, possibly saw my hand in hers and understood...something. What, I have no idea. I chat with Yayoi, giving minimal details until later, while Mami dances with Yukiho, who I hadn't met until now. Something tells me I should make her a contact, though. Ami, in typical fashion, makes an absolute fool of us. And we bicker. And we laugh.

So, really, nothing has changed at all. We're exactly where we're supposed to be right now.

That is, both me and her.


End file.
